


Blue and Heather

by jaybyrds



Series: Looking (Too Close; Too Far) [1]
Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Badlands Clans, F/F, lesbian cats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-07-14 07:13:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7159082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaybyrds/pseuds/jaybyrds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Darkgaze of Brushclan meets Astertail of Shaleclan, something very typical happens. [F/F, Super Gay, a BLC Story]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This story is about an f/f relationship, and has many other LGBTQ+ references, including things that you personally may find implausible. However, all of this has been thought over very carefully by me. I ask that you be respectful when reviewing, if you do.
> 
> Also, this is a rewrite of a story from 2014. While the basic plot remains the same, some things have been changed, and the story is overall more well put together. The setting is in the badlands of South Dakota, and the terrain and plants and animals present reflect this. It's based off my currently dead RP group, but as I still like the setting I've been doing some history and culture building, and this is one such story from it.
> 
> A note on terminology as well: In this story, molly is synonymous to she-cat.

Dusk light lengthened shadows and hid dark pelts. A cat, hidden in those same shadows, set her paws down as gently as she could. Meager underbrush hid her from view as she crept towards a blissfully unaware mouse. The soft, pale dirt and rocky ground made no sound as she stepped closer, eyes trained intently on the prey in front of her. She leapt..

Only to trip as her back foot caught on the root of the same bush she'd been hiding in. It tore halfway from the earth and sent her sprawling, banging her muzzle painfully on the ground and getting dust in her dark gray fur. She scrambled to her paws and flung herself toward the mouse that was running for cover.

She slammed a paw over it, killing it quickly, and straightened up, furious with herself. She'd been so caught up in the thrill of the hunt, of feeling powerful, that she'd nearly thought herself invincible. Disgusted with the fantasy she'd gotten caught up in, she rubbed her pained chin and turned towards the paws padding up to her.

"Oh, don't feel bad," said the brown cat sympathetically. His mew was thick with suppressed mirth. "You still caught it," he continued in a more controlled voice.

Darkgaze appreciated the effort, really, she did, but her pelt prickled at his presence anyway. She tried to push it down, and changed the subject. "There's no use hunting here anymore," she said, eyeing his swallow. He dipped his head in agreement and stepped closer. His tail twined with hers. He didn't seem to notice that she held hers stiff.

"Let's get back to camp," he suggested. "It's slim pickings over here anyway, isn't it, Darkgaze?" At her agreement he started forward. Darkgaze lagged behind, trying to ignore the way her pelt was practically standing on end.

"Shrewpelt," she mewed a moment later, quietly. He turned, and she jerked her head to the side. "I'm going to check over here, alright?"

He looked momentarily disappointed, but took her mouse when she pushed it toward him. "Catch up later," he mewed, muffled. Darkgaze watched him go, her pelt smoothing more the further away he walked. Guilt stuck in her throat.

When he was a decent distance away, she turned and headed on her way. Her paws sent puffs of dust off the dry, cracked ground as she headed towards hopefully more prey-rich areas. There was bound to be more near the stream, even if it had nearly dried up by now.

She was right, she found when she got there. A bird pecked among soft green plants, searching for food. It become food itself a moment later, when Darkgaze took it down. She hunted along the nearly-dry streambed and managed to catch a lizard seeking a drink, and then, further downstream, a shrew scavenging behind a rock.

Her stomach twisted at the sight of the shrew, the calm she'd managed to achieve by hunting alone disappearing as she picked up the prey, the color of its fur so very, very familiar. Frustrated at herself, Darkgaze shook her head, trying to rid herself of traitorous thoughts. A quick drink at the nearly dry stream, and she headed back towards Brushclan camp.

Shrewpelt was waiting at the entrance of the camp, his tail held high. The swallow and mouse they had caught together were nowhere in sight. Darkgaze felt the familiar prickle of discomfort and guilt as she realized he'd put the prey away and came back to wait for her.

"Darkgaze," he mewed, stepping close enough that she could feel the rumble of his purr. He sounded genuinely delighted. "Good job," he added, touching noses with her. She tried not to flinch away, and pretended the reason she didn't return the gesture was because she had prey in her mouth. She mumbled something unintelligible and hoped he'd take it as something nice as she moved to set the prey down at the fresh-kill pile at the other end of the camp.

The clearing was large. Scrub bushes that doubled as dens were scattered around, some set up against a tall rock formation. The nursery was far apart from the others, and Darkgaze could see an apprentice already dropping prey off at the entrance and hastily leaving. While she watched, a pale tabby head peeked out and snatched the prey up.

The leader's den was situated under two fallen slabs of rock, and close by was a bush concealing a small tunnel that lead to the medicine cat's den. Sootfeather was clearly visible outside, sunning herself.

Merlinstar was at the fresh-kill pile when Darkgaze padded up. Their distractible leader was up to her old habits, turning the prey over with her paws to inspect it for age and muttering to herself. "Is that all?" she meowed as Darkgaze's shadow fell across her. "It'll have to do," she continued, interrupting Darkgaze's attempted explanation. "Here, eat this," she added absently, mind on other things already. She pushed a mouse toward Darkgaze. "The Gathering is tonight. You're going. I'd have had Larkwhisker tell you, but you were hunting. No matter. You know now."

A thrill of excitement raced down Darkgaze's spine. "Oh, thank you," she mewed, but Merlinstar was already padding off, having finished her fresh-kill inspection. Darkgaze watched her go, and then picked up the mouse and took it over to where a brown tom was sitting.

"Darkgaze," the tom, her brother, mewed. He was obviously pleased. Scraps of fur and bone were in front of him, evidence of a meal he hadn't yet had time to clean up.

"Hawkstripe," she purred back. She pinned her mouse under one paw and took a bite of it.

"Are you going to the Gathering?" he asked, patting the remains of his food into a more manageable pile.

Darkgaze gulped down her bite of mouse. "Yes! Merlinstar told me I was, just now. What about you?"

"Yeah," he mewed, looking at her sideways. "Shrewpelt isn't, though."

Darkgaze felt a rush of relief and tried not to let on about it. "That's too bad," she mewed, picking her words carefully and trying for a casual, conversational tone. "I'll make sure to tell him everything that happens."

"I'm surprised you're not eating with him right now," Hawkstripe continued, sweeping his tail forward and inadvertently scattering the scraps he'd carefully piled up.

"I don't have to spend every moment with him," she responded as he brushed the pile back together. Agitation clawed at her fur already.

"Of course not," he shot back. "He's only your mate, after all."

Mate. The word sank in her throat and settled, spiked, in her stomach. Shame burned her ears as she realized her brother was right. Feebly, she tried to defend herself against him and her own guilt. "I just thought I'd eat with my kin for once."

That seemed to do the trick. Hawkstripe immediately looked sorry. "Of course we can eat together. Whenever you want! I'm sorry, Darkgaze. I didn't mean to put you on the spot."

She pressed her muzzle into his shoulder for a moment, ignoring the suspicious glitter that remained in his eyes, hinting he wasn't altogether convinced. "It's okay," she soothed, glad to have managed to distract him for the moment, at least. "Let me finish eating and we can bury our scraps, alright?"

He nodded and finished brushing the now very dusty bits of bone and fur into a pile while Darkgaze finished eating. They're just gotten back from burying the bones when Merlinstar's voice rang out through the dusk-dark camp.

"Everyone going to the Gathering, meet me here!" she called, already at the camp's exit.

Hawkstripe hopped a little on his paws. "Finally," he mewed, setting off to where their leader waited. Darkgaze followed behind him, returning a halfhearted farewell to Shrewpelt when he meowed a goodbye. Hawkstripe glanced back at him, and then to his sister, who pointedly kept her head forward and refused to acknowledge any suspicions he might harbor.

The Palegrounds were situated in the middle of the Clans' territory. Clan lore said that when the cats had first settled there, Starclan had shone down, bright as day, and lit up the center of the territories, turning the rock and sand there a washed-out pale color. The Clans had met there every full moon since.

Darkgaze always felt a sense of peace there, even when tensions between the four Clans were running high. It was hard not to, in a place so obviously blessed by Starclan. Her paws sank lightly into the wind-swept sand, leaving prints that were swiftly covered up by her clanmate's own.

Cliffclan and Caveclan were already swarming into the hollow, and Darkgaze could smell the lingering, confusing mass of scents mingling there. A pelt brushed against her own, and a separate, unfamiliar smell washed over her scent glands. It was nearly dizzying; it smelled of Shaleclan, but also of sun, of dust, of heather. Darkgaze turned her head, and saw blue.

Curious, wide blue eyes stared at her from a cream-and-yellow face. A tail brushed against her flank, and the cat pulled forward, keeping pace with one of their clanmates. The cat only looked forward again when they bumped into Swiftheart, Shaleclan's deputy. Darkgaze heard an apologetic mew and the blue-eyed cat and their friend disappeared into the throng.

She stared after the Shaleclan cats as they vanished, feeling an odd prickle in her paws. Subconsciously her claws unsheathed, digging tiny holes into the pale sand as she and her clanmates walked the rest of the way into the Palegrounds.

Batstar, leader of Caveclan, and Brightstar, leader of Cliffclan, were already on top of the Palerock, silhouetted on the flat surface by the light of the full moon. As Darkgaze weaved through the gathered cats, she could see Merlinstar and Cloudstar, Shaleclan's leader, leap onto the rock and settle down next to the other leaders.

Darkgaze sat down near the back, letting her thoughts wander as she waited for the Clans to settle and the leaders to begin the meeting.

"Hi!" a cat chirped, startling Darkgaze from her reverie. The cream-and-yellow cat from before stood in front of her, shifting a little on their paws. They had stripes where they weren't white, dark yellow-tan fading in and out of a lighter backdrop. Darkgaze realized, seeing them up close, that she'd seen the cat around before. "May I sit here?" they asked.

"Of- of course," Darkgaze mewed, feeling her heart flutter in surprise.

"I'm Astertail," the cat mewed, and then added, "I'm a molly." Darkgaze nodded and the cat, Astertail, sat down next to her.

"I'm Darkgaze," the gray cat meowed a heartbeat later, nervous for reasons she didn't understand.

"Darkgaze," Astertail repeated, thoughtful. "That's a very nice name."

The Brushclan cat felt her ears heat up. "Th-thank you," she stammered. "I like yours too. You're pretty. I mean, your name is." She averted her eyes to look at the Palerock, but not before seeing a flash of Astertail's surprised, and pleased, expression. She started to say something else, only to be interrupted by a yowl from the leaders as the Gathering began.

When the meeting was over, Darkgaze was unable to remember anything that happened, even when Shrewpelt asked. All she could recall was the smell of heather, and the color blue.


	2. Chapter 2

Darkgaze paced in a loose circle, claws out and digging into the sand-scattered earth. Her tail lashed, and she had the strong urge to run, to just go and move and not stop until she finally found-

"What's got you so riled up?" Hawkstripe asked in concern, his tail touching her flank as she passed him. She shook her head and huffed, but made a cursory effort to calm down. Her brother continued, "You've been like this since the Gathering, and it's been sunrises. What's wrong? You know you can tell me."

Her line of sight drifted to the Shaleclan border as she was trying to think of how to explain her feelings to her brother. She caught the scent of heather, half imagined, and had to shake her head to push it out of mind. "I feel restless," she finally explained, pushing her paws into the ground and ripping up a pawful of crumbly dirt. "Too full of energy. I don't know why," she added before Hawkstripe could ask.

"We're supposed to be hunting," he reminded her, flicking his tail across her side and to her muzzle. "At this rate there won't be any prey left. Let's put that energy of yours to good use."

Darkgaze shook her head again, frustrated, but she followed him through the scrub. It didn't take long for her, crouching low in the brush, to catch a pigeon, and then a mouse, but the hunting did little to get rid of the energy itching in her paws.

Hawkstripe tilted his head as she piled her catch, and the mouse he had just caught, together. Not too long later and he added a starling to the decent pile of prey.

"I'm going to check the border," Darkgaze mewed abruptly, her paws already working to take her there. "Will you take the other prey back to camp?"

Hawkstripe sighed, sounding world-weary and put-upon, but he agreed anyway, adding, "If I must," in a dramatic, but good-natured mew. He maneuvered the catch together and just managed to carry it all. Darkgaze and Hawkstripe dipped their heads to each other in farewell, and then they parted on their ways.

Darkgaze drifted towards the Shaleclan border, hesitant. Her paws itched to run, to carry her straight there, but she held herself back. Her heart panged as she caught the scent of heather.. and rabbit. Her tail-tip twitched irritably.

She fell into a stalking crouch, creeping closer to the border and where she hoped was the prey. She slid past a scraggly bush and the smell of Shaleclan hit her, just as she saw the rabbit. It could smell the border markers too, judging by the way it was nervously looking around. It hopped forward once and then froze, sensing something Darkgaze hadn't yet.

"Hey, a rabbit," she heard, and the rabbit stood stock-still, frozen in place to blend in with the sandy rock.

"Too bad it's on Brushclan territory," another voice mewed, this one familiar. Darkgaze's heart sped up just as the rabbit unfroze and pelted toward her.

She leapt out, pinning the rabbit under both paws. It struggled to get away, letting out a shriek that was cut off when Darkgaze sunk her teeth into its neck. The Shaleclan patrol muttered to themselves, and Darkgaze looked up, her heart pounding, with the prey still pinned under her paws.

Astertail stared straight at her from between three clanmates. Her eyes were wide and bright with an emotion that looked so familiar to Darkgaze. Her clanmates jeered at the Brushclan cat, warning her to stay on her own territory. Darkgaze flicked an ear at them, her pride undented. The rush of catching a rabbit right in front of the Clan who relied on them the most lifted her spirits and put a spring in her step as she picked up the rabbit and walked away. She disappeared back into the brush...

Only to stop a moment later and drop the rabbit again, crouching low in the shadows of the foliage to wait. The Shaleclan patrol moved on after remarking the boundary, having no other reason to stick around. Darkgaze stayed where she was, and as several long heartbeats passed, she began to wonder what had possessed her to stay.

Then a familiar pale pelt appeared again, coming as close to the border as she dared. Darkgaze's heart began to pound again. She opened her jaws to let the wind wash over her scent glands, searching for the smell of heather. She stepped out, and Astertail immediately locked onto her.

"I thought you'd left," the Shaleclan cat mewed quietly, paws a scant mouse-length from the border. "I hoped you hadn't."

Darkgaze closed the distance between them on her own side of the border. "I should have," she mewed wonderingly.

"But you didn't." Astertail paced much like Darkgaze had been earlier. She confessed, "I've been wanting to see you again," and immediately looked stricken with embarrassment.

Darkgaze realized she did too, and reached forward to touch her nose to Astertail's side. When the other warrior had calmed and was looking at her, Darkgaze moved back. "I have too," she admitted, and the emotion in Astertail's eyes brightened. With a start, Darkgaze realized where she had seen it before.

Shrewpelt looked at her like that all the time. It was in his eyes when they spoke, when they hunted together, even as they parted. But Astertail's was different; Darkgaze didn't have to urge to run away from her. Her heart twisted.

"You feel it too, then?" Astertail mewed hopefully, her tail waving. "Since the Gathering, I haven't been able to get you out of my mind. All I can think about is seeing you again."

Darkgaze felt another thrill, but it was dampened by the guilt that numbed her paws. "Astertail," she mewed, aware that the longer they stayed, the more likely it was that they'd be caught.

Astertail seemed to have the same thought. She broke her stare for a moment to glance back to where her patrol had gone. Then her eyes flicked back to Darkgaze's. "Can we see each other again?" she asked, practically pleading.

"We shouldn't," Darkgaze mewed, guilt forcing the words out of her. Longing made her want to take them back. "Isn't.. isn't that against the rules?"

"The warrior code says nothing about having friends in other clans," Astertail assured her. "We can still be loyal."

"Okay," Darkgaze relented a moment later.

Astertail purred loudly. "Let's meet here at moonhigh," she mewed, a blazing warmth in her eyes. She stepped across the border to touch her nose to Darkgaze's, and then she was back on her side before Darkgaze could react. The gray cat's ears flushed hot again.

"See you then," Darkgaze managed, and Astertail mewed an agreement. She turned away, practically bouncing as she pranced into the high grass that dotted Shaleclan territory. Darkgaze watched her go, a mix of dread and anticipation heavy in her stomach.

Moonhigh would not come fast enough.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Hope you're doing well! Here's chapter three.

The rabbit in her jaws seemed to weigh hardly anything as she ran, full out, toward the camp. Her paws practically skimmed the ground, the energy in them lifting her up so that not even the guilt she felt prickling at the back of her neck could keep her down.

Her thoughts flickered back to Astertail, and the image of her eyes, so blue and welcoming, made her feel as if she could leap off the ground and touch the moon if only it were out and shining.

Warmth blazed across her pelt and built in her throat, pulsing with each pawstep she took so that even the bouncing of the rabbit across her chest seemed to join in with the feeling blossoming there. The camp neared, and she took a running leap over a rock in her path, the warmth spreading through her body seeming to bloom outward as she rose through the air..

and fell with sinking dread as Shrewpelt, tail high, padded toward her. The delight and pride in his eyes choked her, the warmth she saw there burning and stifling rather than exhilarating as Astertail's had been. Her paws, dusty from the run to the camp, scrabbled at the ground and nearly bolted to take her away from the way he looked at her.

"Did you catch that by yourself?" he mewed, sounding amazed and proud of her. "It's huge! You carried it back all alone?"

His praise pricked her fur and annoyed her rather than pleased her. It was just a rabbit, after all; cats caught them all the time. She brushed past him into the camp, the rabbit muffling any words she might have tried to say and allowing her to stay silent. Shrewpelt walked beside her until, mercifully, Larkwhisker intercepted them.

"Good catch, Darkgaze," he mewed, eyes glittering as he eyed the rabbit. "Take that to Sootfeather and Redpaw, would you?" He swung his head to face Shrewpelt. "You're on border patrol," he continued, leaving Darkgaze to walk, alone, towards the medicine den.

Sootfeather was outside with her apprentice, showing the young red molly something to do with the stacks of leaves at her paws. The scent was strong enough to get past even the rabbit smell clogging Darkgaze's nose. She was very glad her path had led her to be a warrior. She doubted she would have half the head for medicine that Sootfeather had.

The gray medicine cat looked up, her green eyes sparking as she stared at Darkgaze. Her ear twitched, and Darkgaze had the feeling that Sootfeather knew something she couldn't.

"Darkgaze!" Redpaw exclaimed when she'd turned to follow her mentor's line of sight. "Is that for us? Wow, it looks delicious!" The little apprentice sounded as excited as she always was. She was such a happy kit. Darkgaze felt a purr rumbling in her throat as she set the rabbit down in front of the medicine cats.

"We'll continue with this once we've eaten," Sootfeather murmured in her quiet way, carefully setting rocks down on the piles of herbs so they wouldn't blow away in an errant wind. "Thank you, Darkgaze."

The gray molly still stared at her, a knowing look in her eyes. Darkgaze's paws shifted nervously. Sootfeather always seemed to be able to read any of her clanmates. Her suffix indicated her gentle way with her patients, but Darkgaze had no doubt that had her path been that of a warrior, they'd be sharing the same suffix, though for different reasons.

Darkgaze's talents lay on the battlefield, where she could easily plan a way of attack. She had an innate ability to tell which way a battle might go at any time, what moves an enemy would make, and how to parry them. Sootfeather's talents lay in cats themselves, reading their thoughts and feelings. Darkgaze wished her own ability at perception were better; Sootfeather was unreadable as always.

"No problem," Darkgaze mewed eventually, backing away. She turned and padded off, but she could still feel the green scorch of Sootfeather's eyes on her pelt.

Shrewpelt was gone already, much to Darkgaze's relief. She wouldn't have to deal with him for awhile. Perhaps she'd join another hunting patrol before he got back, she mused, wanting to avoid the tom as much as she could.

With a thrill she remembered her promise to Astertail. Moonhigh was ages away still, but Darkgaze felt anticipation prick her claws. Her thoughts drifted as she padded slowly across the camp. She wondered, briefly, how Astertail's fur would feel against her own, what her purr sounded like, and her ears flushed hot.

"Looking for something to do?" Larkwhisker mewed, and Darkgaze's head jerked up in surprise. He looked amused. "You've already been hunting today. We'll have a border patrol later, but until then you should take a rest. Unless you don't want to go on the patrol?"

"Oh, I do!" she assured him. "I'll go. Thanks, Larkwhisker." She dipped her head to him and turned around to see a dark brown molly come out of the warrior's den. Quickly, Darkgaze walked over to her.

The molly brightened, her tail standing straight up. "Oh!" she gasped. "There you are!" Her eyes, the same shade of green as Hawkstripe's, blinked warmly at the gray cat. "I've missed you today."

Darkgaze greeted her mother with a purr. "Sorry, Acornfoot," she mewed, pressing her muzzle against her mother's shoulder. Excitement bloomed in her chest again, and words bubbled up to press against her teeth as her mother, purring, mewed, "You seem so happy." Darkgaze thought she'd tell her mother everything about Astertail.

Then the bubbles burst as Acornfoot continued, "Are you about to tell me you're having kits with Shrewpelt?"

Darkgaze felt as if she would fall. Something in her wailed at her mother's words. She had to take a moment to compose herself, to keep from collapsing at the sudden rush of horror that threatened to overwhelm her.

"Oh, no," she said as steadily as she could, glad her face was hidden from her mother's view. "I was just glad to see you."

Acornfoot purred, unknowing of her daughter's feelings. "Well, it's a good thing I'm here, then, hm? Do you want to get something to eat with me?"

Darkgaze mewed her assent and let Acornfoot take the lead, following behind in an effort to calm herself and get rid of the horror she could feel twisting her expression.

Acornfoot seemed none the wiser to Darkgaze's turmoil, something she was grateful for. She knew how much her mother was looking forward to her children having kits of their own. As Acornfoot took a mouse from the freshkill pile, Darkgaze thought privately that she'd have more luck getting Hawkstripe to settle down.

Soon after, Darkgaze pushed the remainder of her food toward Acornfoot. "I'm going- Larkwhisker should be getting a patrol ready soon, and I wanted to go."

"Have a good time, dear," Acornfoot said warmly, more than happy to take an extra share of food when offered.

Darkgaze looked back at her mother once more before she joined Larkwhisker. She wondered, and then wondered again, about what it was that she was doing.

She was still wondering long after the border patrol, when night fell, and when the moon rose high in the air. She kept wondering as she snuck out of camp, padding through the moon-bathed night to the border. She passed rocks and bushes and landmarks she knew by heart that, in the cold light of night, seemed as unfamiliar as the Outlands.

When she saw Astertail, practically glowing in the silver light of the stars, she stopped her wondering. They met, purring, and touched noses. Darkgaze had never been so happy to see anyone.

"I'm glad to see you," Astertail mewed shyly, echoing Darkgaze's own thoughts. Darkgaze couldn't think of anything else she'd rather be doing right now, not even sleeping curled up in the warmth of a nest. She was warm now anyway, next to Astertail.

They sat on opposite sides of the border and just talked, trading stories, funny or said, and simply enjoying each others company. Darkgaze told her about Hawkstripe and Acornfoot, and in turn learned about Silverfur, Astertail's sister, and Rabbitstep, her father. Her other father, the one who had sired her instead of giving birth to her, had long since joined Starclan. His name had been Shadcloud. Darkgaze told of her own dead father, Duskfang, and there was a moment of silence between them as they gazed up at the swathe of stars that made up the Eternal River.

Darkgaze listened intently as Astertail told her about the time she and Silverfur had snuck out of the camp as apprentices to hunt for a rabbit just before dawn. Rabbitstep had been sick, something simple and easy to cure, but it had laid him up in the medicine den for days. Silverfur had had the bright idea that getting him a rabbit, one specially caught for him instead of picked up off the fresh-kill pile, would speed along his recovery. Darkgaze nodded; it was a sound idea. Her own Clan had the same beliefs, that those named after prey would be stronger if they ate their namesake. For Rabbitstep to eat one especially caught for him could do more than usual.

"We found one," Astertail mewed. "But unfortunately, so had a fox." Darkgaze gasped here, enthralled in the story and how Astertail's eyes sparkled as she told it. "We'd just killed it when we heard the growl. It was huge, and angry, practically salivating. I suppose it was hungry. If I was that big, I'd be hungry all the time too."

"What did you do?" Darkgaze pressed.

"Ran, of course! As fast as we could. No fox can hope to chase down a Shaleclan cat." Astertail winked, and Darkgaze's heart thumped in her chest. "I left the rabbit, hoping it'd take the prey and leave us alone, but when I looked back to check for Silverpaw, she had it in her jaws! That silly cat hadn't left it behind at all." She shook her head, her face crinkled in a smile at the memory. "The fox was right behind us, but we were getting ahead of it. Then a patrol heard us and called out, and we ran as fast as we could towards them. Turns out they were looking for us. The fox saw all the patrol and turned tail. It could take a couple of shrimpy apprentices, but not three full-grown warriors."

"What did Rabbitstep think?"

"Oh, he was angry, but it was just because we were being mousebrains. He ate the whole rabbit and a couple of days later he was all better." The smile on Astertail's face widens. "Of course, he'd never admit it was because of our magic rabbit."

"Of course not," Darkgaze purred.

"What was the silliest thing you've done?" Astertail asked.

Darkgaze had to think. "It was when Hawkstripe and I were apprentices too," she finally said. "And Shrewpaw-" here she felt a sliver of discomfort, talking about Shrewpelt to Astertail, "-he was Hawkpaw and my's best friend. We all climbed up Starclan's Eye, the biggest hill on our territory. It was huge! It took ages to climb. Mostly only experienced warriors go up there. It's pretty steep, but birds like it up there." She swished her tail; even from the border the hill was slightly visible, though not in the dark.

Astertail nodded. "I've seen it, I think," she said, gratifying Darkgaze's theory.

"Well, we went up there. Hawkpaw kept boasting, scrambling up much too quick. Like any of us were impressed! We were all getting up there one way or another, after all, and Shrewpaw and I would rather keep all our limbs well and whole." She purred at the memory, and described how Hawkpaw had jumped from ledge to ledge, taking pawholds that were much too small to be safe. He'd slipped once, and Shrewpaw had shoved at his back, catching him long enough that he regained his balance. "He was quiet after that," she reflected. "I guess he was embarrased." And she remembered too, though she didn't say it, how Shrewpaw had been moony for her even then, casting eyerolls at her as they climbed, gesturing at Hawkpaw as if to say, 'Can you believe him?'

"You didn't slip?" Astertail asked.

"No, but I was taking my time, making sure I wouldn't." She'd always been watchful even then. "And then we finally reached the top. It was gorgeous up there. We could see the whole territory, even the Palegrounds." Astertail's eyes were far away, trying to picture it, and Darkgaze quickly launched into more descriptions, how the light glanced off the hills, how they could see the jutting ridges of Cliffclan, and Sun's Edge far off to the west. Astertail blinked open her eyes, a pleased smile on her muzzle, and nodded.

"Well, then, we wondered how to get down," continued Darkgaze. "That was the difficult part.. And then Shrewpaw exclaimed, 'Oh, geez,' and it turned out that there was a path just on the other side of where we'd climbed up. It was so much easier than how we'd gotten up." She sighed and glanced at Astertail, who was purring in amusement. "Apprentices, right?" she added, just to hear Astertail's purr grow louder.

She nodded. "Apprentices," she agreed, eyes glowing, and Darkgaze's heart thumped. Astertail started a new story, one not as exciting, and they traded them like that, just getting to know each other.

When the moon had sunk low in the sky, Darkgaze had a realization. Her heart twisted in her chest, discomfort prickling her fur. It calmed as she looked at Astertail, and she knew without a doubt that from here there was no going back to the way things had been.

"Astertail," she mewed when she had finished a story. "I have to tell you something." Astertail's expression, wide with curiosity and expectation, sent a flutter through Darkgaze's stomach. She pressed the feeling down and wrenched words from her jaw. They tasted bitter. "I have a mate."

Astertail's expression crumbled. She leaned back, ears flat on her head, the opposite of the open and inviting way she had looked just a heartbeat earlier. Darkgaze forced herself to continue. "His name is Shrewpelt," she said, and answered the question that flitted across Astertail's face. "Shrewpaw from the stories, yes.. He- I- We.." And here she couldn't go on. Astertail had stood up, a lost, confused expression on her face. She looked away, up to the stars, and stood stock still.

"I don't love him," Darkgaze managed, and it felt as if the words unblocked something deep in her. She'd never said them. She'd never said she loved him, not to him, not to anyone, but she'd never said she didn't, either.

Astertail had turned her head to look at her again. In the silver light, even with a heartbreaking expression on her face, she looked beautiful. Darkgaze didn't know what else to say. What could she? She tried, anyway: "Tomorrow, I'll-"

"Make me no promises," Astertail mewed, sounding far away, though she had not moved. "Well. Make me one. Tomorrow night, will you meet me again?" She didn't sound angry. She didn't even sound hopeful.

"Every night after that, if you'll meet me too," Darkgaze meowed. She stood up when Astertail took a step back, and then another, until her steps had turned her around and carried her away, deeper into Shaleclan territory. Darkgaze watched her go, a hollow, lost feeling in her stomach. Somehow it was worse than everything Shrewpelt had made her feel put together.

With the rising sun brightening the orange landscape, Darkgaze headed home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though it may have been obvious while reading, I'd like to reiterate that Rabbitstep, Astertail's father, is trans. He's able to give birth to kits, and did, but that doesn't make him any less male.


	4. Chapter 4

Darkgaze got back to camp and in her nest without any mishaps. She managed what felt like only a blink of sleep before she was woken up for a hunting patrol. She pulled herself, weary, out of the den, and then out of camp, telling herself that it was only one more step, just one more.

There were many one more steps that morning.

She was thankful when the hunting patrol went towards Cliffclan instead of Shaleclan. And she was thankful, most of all, that Shrewpelt had already been gone when she'd woken up. She spent the entire hunting patrol thinking, and didn't even have a lizard when she and the patrol headed back.

"I don't know what's wrong with you today," Smokestorm, the patrol leader, mewed to her on the way back, "But get it under control, okay?"

She nodded at him, familiar shame prickling under her pelt, and kept her head down. Spottedface, on her other side, nudged her with her flank. "You should talk to Sootfeather," she suggested in a wise tone. "That's what I do when I'm feeling down." A good option, for another problem, maybe.

Raincloud only gave her a small nudge with his muzzle. He never said anything, and Darkgaze suspected that would be the case even if he wasn't mute. Darkgaze lagged at the camp entrance. Larkwhisker, and then Merlinstar, would be informed of her failure; she'd get reprimanded, she knew, if either one of them were in too bad a mood. Maybe Smokestorm would tell them she'd seemed down, and they'd take pity. Maybe.

Maybe, maybe, maybe. There were many maybes in her life at the moment. Darkgaze was a little tired of them. She was turning to head inside the camp to get things over with when Shrewpelt popped out of the entrance. Darkgaze jumped, a surge of anxiety swamping her stomach at his happy face.

"I need to talk to you," she mewed, before he could say anything. She hadn't even known she was about to say it. She wished she hadn't. It was too late to take back the words now, though. He looked puzzled, but he let her lead him away from the camp.

"Is something the matter?" he asked in concern. Then, to her surprise, his tune changed. In excitement, he said, "Do you want kits?" The hope in his voice felt like she had fallen from Starclan's Eye, the highest peak in the territories. "I think we're ready, Darkgaze. I think-"

"No," she said. She must have been loud, because he flinched back. Her own voice sounded far away to her ears.

Uncertainly, he mewed, "Well, okay. Whenever you're ready is fine with me."

"No. I won't ever be ready. Not with you," she mewed. Everything seemed to rush back in at once. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. She had meant to be kinder, to let him down easy. But the words were sharp, cutting as easily as claws. "I don't want to be your mate anymore."

For a moment he didn't seem to understand. Then he folded in on himself, looking up at her with shock and hurt in his eyes. "Don't you love me?" he whispered so she could only just hear him.

"No," she said, and it felt like more of the block deep inside of her had crumbled. "I don't." What relief there could have been at the words was turned into dust by the cruelty of what she was doing.

Shrewpelt stared up at her a moment more, and then he turned. "Okay then," he mewed, words still small. "If that's how you want it." He stopped, cutting off his own movement and wavering on paws that had been interrupted. "Did you ever?" he asked, not looking at her.

"No," Darkgaze admitted. "I thought I could, given time." Her words sounded hollow to them both. This time, when Shrewpelt started to leave, he didn't stop. She watched him go, his tail dragging through the dust as he walked back to camp.

She couldn't bear to follow him, to see her clanmate's faces as they heard or realized what had happened. She'd go back eventually, before nightfall, but not yet. Instead she headed deeper into the Clan's territories, towards the Vale of Spirits.

Sacred ground. She'd feel better there, she told herself, in a place that was second only to the Moonclaw in being close to their ancestors. The journey there took long enough that her paws were tired and sore when she got there, but the sight was enough to make her forget.

The Vale was beautiful, and would have been amazing even if it wasn't sacred. It was a natural dip in the land, where rainwater collected more easily and turned the entire scape into a verdant swathe of life. It was no wonder a war had been fought over it, a long, long time ago.

But now it was sacred. No violence had been committed on it since the war, as far as anyone knew, and it would stay that way. The Vale wasn't just the sacred site where the Clans had been founded.. It was also where the dead of all four Clans were buried.

No one Clan could lay claim to the land. It belonged to the dead, and Starclan, and it would stay that way.

Darkgaze padded through the lush, green growth, trailing through plants that brushed against her sides until she found where her father was buried. She sat five tail-lengths from a dusty brown rock protruding above the grass, and sighed.

There were other cats here, but none of them paid much attention to her. They were there for their own reasons, and they respected hers. Still, Darkgaze kept her mew quiet. "Duskfang," she murmured, addressing her father's spirit. "What must you think of me?" She fell silent, pretending he was answering. She imagined him in front of her, his coat just a little darker than her own, his eyes the same shade of yellow. She couldn't picture any expression he might have. She wondered if he'd be angry at her. "I'm sorry," she whispered, not just to him, but to the whole of Starclan. She didn't love Shrewpelt, but she… She couldn't finish the thought. Not yet. It was too soon to know. She was only certain that the feelings in her heart weren't towards her ex-mate, and they would never be.

Darkgaze stayed only a little while longer. The Vale had done its job and calmed her down, even if only a little, and it was time to head back home. She left the Vale, casting only a last, cursory glance over the few cats remaining.

She didn't make it back to the camp before someone came to find her. "What are you thinking?" Hawkstripe mewed furiously when he found her. He was angrier than she had ever seen him, and it was genuinely surprising.

"I-I'm sorry?" she mewed, having no other ideas.

"You should be! Shrewpelt is so upset. Why did you leave him? He wouldn't tell me when I asked," Hawkstripe continued, lashing his tail. His ears were pinned back, and he was heartbeats from hissing.

They had a brief stare off. Finally, Darkgaze said, "I don't love him," and looked at the ground.

"Why not?" Hawkstripe mewed, sounding like he really couldn't fathom it.

And then, suddenly, something clicked in Darkgaze's head. "You love him," she realized, and it immediately seemed so obvious to her. Hawkstripe took a step back, thunderstruck.

"No," he meowed, unconvincingly.

"You do," Darkgaze continued, more sure of it than before. "That's why you're always so worried over our relationship. That's why you're so angry. But.. shouldn't you be happy we're not together now?" she added, puzzled.

Hawkstripe jerked away when she leaned toward him. "No," he insisted again. "He's my friend. I'm mad that he's upset." They were friends, yes, Darkgaze knew that, but he wouldn't be mad if that was the only thing. He might be concerned, yes, but..

She'd been so wrapped up in herself that she hadn't even noticed her own brother had fallen in love. Guilt and shame had so taken over her life that she'd completely failed at being a good sister. "I'm sorry," she mewed, genuine. "I should have been paying more attention."

Hawkstripe dipped his head. "I just wanted him to be happy," he said to the ground. "Even if it wasn't with me."

"I'm sorry," was the only thing Darkgaze could think to say. It seemed to be enough, because Hawkstripe let her lean her head against his shoulder. They stayed that way until the sun began to dip low in the sky, and then took the journey back home, together.

That night, Darkgaze felt oddly weightless, even as she broke the rules and snuck out to the border to meet with a Shaleclan cat. She supposed she should be more cautious, especially in the wake of her scolding by Merlinstar, but..

Astertail was waiting for her when she reached her destination. Darkgaze hadn't even known she was harboring the fear she'd be left alone until it was proven wrong, and the sight of her new friend swept away the anxiety that had been quietly fizzing in her stomach.

Astertail stood up as soon as Darkgaze came into view and took a half-step forward, just up to the border. Darkgaze stopped on her side and for a moment they said nothing. Then Astertail broke the silence with a sigh.

"It's good to see you," she mewed, the words a warm breeze in the cool night.

"And you," Darkgaze returned, sitting down.

Astertail tilted her head. "Something's different," she pondered. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," said Darkgaze, surprised. "I- Today was.. Well, everything's fine, for me."

"For you?" Astertail mewed, leaning forward a little. Her expression was the tiniest bit more open.

"I expect Shrewpelt isn't very happy," Darkgaze admitted, "Now that we're no longer mates." She watched Astertail's face for any reaction, but the Shaleclan cat only flicked an ear.

"That's too bad," she mewed, just the right amount of sympathy in her tone. She added, a moment later, "For him," and this time Darkgaze saw a small, pleased expression flit across her face. Darkgaze's tail flicked in time with the thrill that went down her spine.

Darkgaze dipped her head, warmth sparking pleasantly in her stomach, and gradually she and Astertail began to pick up where they'd left off the night before.


	5. Chapter 5

Darkgaze and Shrewpelt avoided each other as much as they could in the days after their break up. They slept on opposite sides of the warrior's den, took different patrols as much as possible, and didn't even look in each other's general direction.

Based on that, it wasn't long before the entire clan knew that they weren't together anymore. No one said anything to Darkgaze about it, but she figured it was only a matter of time. Curiosity was very powerful, after all, and in this time of relative peace in the Clans, gossip was the most interesting thing going on.

Darkgaze could tell that her mother was itching to bring it up; every time they talked, a spark of curiosity shone in Acornfoot's eyes. She never said anything about it, and Darkgaze never offered anything. Knowing Hawkstripe, he had probably explained what he could (and wanted to) about it to their mother, but that was different from hearing it from the source.

There was no way she'd be able to explain it anyway. Astertail was easy enough to leave out, but the rest.. Even to herself, everything seemed so silly. She had never even been interested in Shrewpelt, and yet she'd been his mate for nearly two whole seasons. How could she put into words the feeling of having no other choice?

There'd been no good reason to reject Shrewpelt, it felt like. "I don't love him," yes, of course, but the words had felt so cruel. Leading him on had been more cruel. She would have suffered in silence until there had been no good reason to put off having kits. And then, until one or both of them had died, she would have been..

Darkgaze didn't like thinking about it. For all the pain ridding herself of Shrewpelt had caused him, she couldn't regret it, not really. Regret the beginning, yes, but not the end. Never the end. Regret the way, regret the loss of the cat who had been her best friend for so long, but never the parting.

She felt like she was going in circles trying to justify this to herself, telling herself the same thing over and over again just in case it was more effective. And the sad (was it?) thing was, she did feel better.

The more days that passed, the lighter her paws felt. She and Astertail continued to meet, at first nightly and then, when that became impossible to keep up without their warrior duties suffering, every other night, and then every two nights. Darkgaze missed her on the nights she stayed in her nest. She felt lonely without Astertail near here, even in a den full of her clanmates.

But it wouldn't have been so bad, it might have even been manageable for a while longer, if Merlinstar hadn't quarreled with Cloudstar at the third Gathering since she'd began to meet Astertail. Darkgaze couldn't even remember what the fight was about. Prey, probably. A silly apprentice that got overzealous while chasing their first piece of prey, straight across the border. Perhaps one of the leaders offended the other. Either way, tensions were high between Shaleclan and Brushclan, high enough that one day Darkgaze found herself on the border, near the same place she and Astertail always met, facing down enemy Shaleclan cats in a battle.

It wasn't a skirmish. There were too many cats to call it that. Too many sets of claws ripping into fur and flesh. Too much at stake, it seemed, for a minor altercation.

So why, Darkgaze wondered, did the battle seem so pointless? Oh, she did her part, of course, sending Shaleclan cats screeching away. She intercepted attacks on her own clanmates, a whirling ball of gray and claws whenever she saw she was needed. That's what her duty was, what she'd been almost specially trained for. Not one-on-one fighting, not exclusively, but her battle-talent had been honed to a razor-sharp point. Things moved in slow motion as she sought out those who needed her.

Apprentices and warriors alike received her help, a quick save in a dire moment. She slashed her claws over a burly black tom and kept him off balance long enough for Raincloud to get back on his paws, and together they drove him away. Mouseflower, ganged up on by two cats, got the reinforcements she needed in Darkgaze and the tag-along Raincloud, and together they turned that tide.

She left them there and whirled around, casting her senses for anyone else in danger. Her sides heaved and she could feel the scratches criss-crossing her body, some superficial and others not so much, throbbing in time with her heartbeat. Something told her to turn her head left, and what she saw there drove out any other thoughts and sent her running.

Gorsestorm, her own clanmate, was facing off with a familiar tan-and-cream blur. They seemed evenly matched, but Darkgaze knew Gorsestorm. In a moment, just when Astertail would seem to have the upper paw, Gorsestorm would break out a perfectly-timed burst of energy to overwhelm her opponent, and she would not be kind about it.

Astertail fought well. Darkgaze wanted to believe she'd prevail, but she had faced Gorsestorm in too many practice battles to have much hope. Against another opponent, Astertail would have stood a much better chance.

Darkgaze leapt through and around battling cats. Shaleclan warriors swiped at her but she didn't stop, not until she'd reached her destination. She skid to a halt besides Gorsestorm. Astertail and her opponent- Gorsestorm and _hers_ \- leapt apart, surprised at Darkgaze's arrival.

She set a battle stance toward Astertail, angling herself so Gorsestorm couldn't see her face. "What's the big idea?" Gorsestorm snarled, but Darkgaze only hissed. Astertail stared at them both, wide eyed.

Please, Darkgaze thought, trying to twist her expression so Astertail would understand. Please, she thought again. She shook her head, the tiniest bit, as much as she dared to. Astertail glanced between them and took a step back, then another. She glanced down, just once, a slow and deliberate gesture that Darkgaze understood immediately. Here, tonight, Astertail was saying, and then she whirled around and ran.

"Darkgaze, I had that," Gorsestorm snapped, but she didn't wait for her reply. Darkgaze didn't watch her go, feeling her paws shake underneath her. Gorsestorm would find another opponent, and there'd be no intervening with that one. The cat would be at Gorsestorm's mercy, and she rarely had any. Darkgaze knew that many had died from the wounds Gorsestorm had left on them.

She had to get herself together. She turned, slowly. There were other who'd need her help, and

And Shrewpelt was staring right at her. His fur was ruffled from battle, and blood dripped from one of his ears, a new nick in it. His face was intense, but inscrutable. Darkgaze's heart skipped a beat. What had he seen? What had he seen? What

He broke eye contact and turned around. In a moment he had disappeared back into the throng of Clan cats. She stared after him, her paws lead. The fray around her was thinning. She couldn't tell who had won. She wondered if it mattered.

Sootfeather found her. She pulled her away from the battleground, leading her behind a pile of rocks, where she and Redpaw had set up a medical station. Darkgaze let the medicine cats look her over, and listened only vaguely while Merlinstar spoke. When she was done, Darkgaze couldn't remember a word she'd said.

When they made it back to camp, Sootfeather tried to give her poppy seeds, to help her sleep. Darkgaze refused her, but followed the order of rest. She curled up in the warriors den, as far front as she could, and napped.

She felt she'd slept only a moment when she woke and saw it was night. She slipped back out of the den and out of camp, her scratches and wounds protesting the whole way. She ignored the hurt and the way her paws still felt heavy, and kept on.

The border was battle-torn. Blood spotted the grass in places it wasn't crushed completely. Tufts of fur rolled across the ground on gentle breezes, and the wind carried a familiar smell towards Darkgaze, one that mixed with the cacophony of mingled blood and Clan smells. A familiar figure shone almost silver in the moonlight.

Darkgaze's paws felt lighter. She picked up the pace and hurried forward. "You're okay," she mewed immediately, relief in her voice.

"I am," Astertail assured her, and the relief was reflected in her own tone. "Oh, but you're hurt," she mewed, noticing the poultices still plastered to Darkgaze's fur.

"Just scratches," Darkgaze assured her. "I'm just so glad that Gorsestorm didn't hurt you."

"Gorsestorm?" Astertail repeated. She sounded surprised. "That's who I was fighting? No wonder you," and she stopped. She stared over Darkgaze's shoulder.

Darkgaze felt her stomach drop. She turned, slowly, and there he was again. Shrewpelt, staring at her. Oh no, she thought, but this time he didn't run away. He came forward, and the expression on his face gave her a chill that had nothing to do with the wind.

"What are you doing," he asked, but it didn't sound at all like a question. Darkgaze couldn't think of anything to say. "Who is this," he asked again, in the same tone.

"Astertail," the Shaleclan cat said. "I'm Astertail. Who are _you_?" She stepped forward until she stood by Darkgaze.

Shrewpelt only looked at Astertail for a moment before he turned his attention back to Darkgaze. He stared at her until she was driven to answer. "He's Shrewpelt," she mewed.

"Hello, Shrewpelt," Astertail mewed, and she sounded almost civil. "Shouldn't you be in a nest?"

"Shouldn't you be on your own side of the border?" Anger had finally started to creep into his voice. He stepped forward when Astertail, suitably chastened, stepped back until she was back over the border. He turned his attention back to Darkgaze. "What is this. How long?"

"Moons," Darkgaze answered.

"Before, or after," he demanded, his lips curling back to reveal just a hint of teeth.

"Before," she said, feeling like she was crumbling. "But not much, I swear." He knew. He'd figured it out and she hadn't even admitted it to herself yet. "Please, Shrewpelt. Please don't tell anyone."

"Why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I tell Merlinstar that you've been breaking the rules for _moons_?" he said, and his tone cracked parts of her.

"I love her," Darkgaze whispered, to him, and herself, and Astertail. "Please." It seemed the wrong thing to stay. Shrewpelt bared his teeth more and took a step back. His eyes were wide with hurt and betrayal. "Please," she tried again. It felt as if any words she could think to say would be the wrong ones. "If it meant anything to you, please."

"It didn't mean anything to _you_ ," he snapped, the edge of a snarl in his voice.

"I know. I'm sorry," she said, and it felt like the last words she had. "I'm sorry."

The anger drained out of him. "Are you?" he asked, a little hopeless. "Are you?" He took a step back, and then another, and then he was turning and walking away.

"I am," Darkgaze whispered, but if he heard he didn't react. Astertail reappeared back at her side. Her fur pressed against Darkgaze's own, and they watched him leave together.

"Did you mean it?" Astertail murmured when he'd vanished into the night.

"Of course I did. I wouldn't have said it otherwise." At that, Astertail was silent for a moment. Then her head nuzzled into Darkgaze's neck.

"I love you too," she breathed, just loud enough for Darkgaze to hear. "But what in Starclan's name are we going to do now?"

"He won't tell," Darkgaze mewed, and she had to believe it. "Not yet. He's- Not yet." Astertail said nothing else, and Darkgaze couldn't blame her.

A long time passed before they'd calmed down enough to talk seriously. Darkgaze took the lead, admitting, "I don't think I can do that again. The battle. Against you, I mean. Not being able to fight with you, for you."

"I know what you mean," Astertail murmured. "I couldn't stop thinking, these are all Darkgaze's friends. What if that's her brother? Her mother? Knowing my clanmates might hurt you, or someone you care about.."

"What are we going to do?" Darkgaze wondered. "I don't think we can keep meeting like this."

"I don't want to give you up," Astertail whispered.

"I couldn't bear it," Darkgaze agreed, and they sighed. "I don't want to go back at all."

"Do we have to?" Astertail thought aloud, her tone bitter. "What can we even do?"

"I love you," Darkgaze said. "We'll think of something."

"I love you too," returned Astertail, and the words felt like coming home. "I don't think we should leave it for long, whatever we decide."

"Tomorrow," Darkgaze said bitterly. "We'll think of something, and tomorrow.."

"Whatever it is," Astertail agreed. She pressed her nose against Darkgaze's cheek, and Darkgaze licked her neck.

They parted then, and Darkgaze couldn't help but wonder how many more meetings there would be between them.

When Darkgaze slipped back into the warrior's den, Shrewpelt was still awake, curled up in the middle of the den, nearer to the entrance. He said nothing, only looked briefly at her and then his eyes slid shut. She wondered if he had been waiting for her to come back. Then, furiously, she told herself it didn't matter.

Her dreams were filled with the shadowy, expressionless figure of her father.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa hey so it's been awhile. My bad. I was waiting on cover art but I can add that when it's done.

Shrewpelt didn't tell Merlinstar. He didn't even go near her the whole day. Darkgaze knew that, because Sootfeather had put her on nest rest. She wasn't allowed to leave the camp.

It was a little silly, she thought. She hadn't been hurt that bad, but she was glad for the excuse. She still felt trembly on her paws, though whether it was from the battle or what happened after, she couldn't say.

Rather than stay in the warrior's den the whole day, Darkgaze camped out by the medicine den. Sootfeather didn't seem to mind. Watching her care for their clanmates was nice to pass the time with. Sootfeather could be distant and closed off, but she was kind; she'd earned her suffix for her gentleness and caring attitude, after all.

The sun was at it's zenith when Sootfeather finally finished checking over everyone who had been more than superficially hurt in the battle. She sighed and stretched, and then spoke to her apprentice, who had been dutifully following every direction she was given.

"Redpaw," Sootfeather meowed, "Would you please go and see if any more marigold has grown? See if Raincloud would go with you."

Redpaw hopped to her paws. "Of course!" she chirped, happy to help as always. "I'll see you soon, Sootfeather."

"Thank you, dear," Sootfeather said warmly. She and her apprentice touched noses, and then Redpaw was off. Sootfeather took a moment to watch her go, and then she went and sat by Darkgaze. "So," she started.

Darkgaze jostled herself out of her thoughts. "Um?" she wondered, pushing herself to her paws.

Sootfeather glanced at her, and Darkgaze had a moment of deja vu. Somehow, the look in Sootfeather's eyes suggested that she knew more than she should. "I didn't keep you here strictly for you to rest," she said.

"Then what?" Darkgaze prompted apprehensively.

"I know," she said plainly. "About you and the Shaleclan cat."

Darkgaze's paws slipped and she sunk down. "What?" she mouthed. She couldn't tell if she made any noise.

"I'm not judging you. That is for Starclan to do, when you reach them. I'm only telling you that I know." Sootfeather spoke frankly and calmly. "And I know what you'll do about it."

"What, then?" Darkgaze asked. She hadn't figured anything out yet. But Sootfeather only shook her head.

"That's something for you to stumble upon yourself. But I feel I must assuage a fear of yours. Duskfang is not angry with you. He asked me to tell you that."

"Thank you," Darkgaze said, honestly relieved. She'd been so scared..

"I wouldn't say he's entirely happy, but." Here Sootfeather paused, and tilted her head. "What _are_ you going to do?"

"You already know," Darkgaze pointed out, pulling herself back up.

"Yes, but you don't."

'I.. I don't know," Darkgaze admitted. "I.. I can't ask her to leave Shaleclan. And I know she can't ask me to leave Brushclan. Isn't that all there is?" Sootfeather made a noncommittal noise, and Darkgaze sighed. "I don't know. I love her so much already, Sootfeather."

"It doesn't seem fair," the medicine cat said neutrally.

"No," Darkgaze agreed quietly. "Not fair at all."

"I wonder what would make it fair," Sootfeather mewed. She stood up. "Try not to fret, Darkgaze. You'll be fine. Goodbye for now."

Darkgaze watched as she left, still as puzzled as ever. Sootfeather had given her a little to think about, at least. She glanced at the sky. It was far from being night. Her scratches itched.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Hawkstripe brought her a mouse not long after her talk with Sootfeather. They had a nice talk. Darkgaze couldn't tell him what was troubling her, though he obviously knew something _was_ , but just spending time with her brother had always been enough to make her feel better.

Acornfoot came to see what they were up to just before Hawkstripe was called away again. Darkgaze wondered if they would have been half as warm to her as they were if they knew about Astertail. The thought didn't help her concentrate on her troubles.

Then she wondered if she was being overdramatic, and that thought ate up the rest of the time until nightfall. By that time, Darkgaze had a decent idea what to do. What would make it fair, Sootfeather had said.

Well, there was one way.

Darkgaze reached the border first. Mounting excitement pushed her to hurry, and she had been running by the time she ended up at her destination. The exercise felt good after a full day of rest. She didn't have to wait very long before Astertail appeared.

Thought she lacked her usual exuberance, Astertail didn't seem downtrodden at all. She met Darkgaze at the border and the two spent a moment exchanging affection before sitting down to talk.

"Figure anything out?" Darkgaze ventured. She wanted to give Astertail a chance to say what was on her mind before she suggested her own options.

But Astertail only shook her head. "The only thing I could think of is one of us leaves their Clan to join the other's.. Or if we leave entirely."

Darkgaze hadn't thought of that. Her stomach did a minor flip-flop. "Let's leave that for a last resort," she suggested. Astertail nodded in agreement and Darkgaze took a moment to collect her thoughts. "It's not fair for one of us to leave their Clan while the other stays," she said carefully. "What would make it fair?"

Astertail pinned her ears back. "Can it be fair?" she wondered. "One of us will always be giving something up."

"Yes. One of us," Darkgaze agreed.

"But if both of us," Astertail started, realization dawning in her voice. "If we both.. Could we do that? Would Cliffclan or Caveclan even take us in?"

"It's worth a try," Darkgaze mewed. "But which should we ask?"

"Not Cliffclan," Astertail said immediately. "I'd be alright, I think, but I don't know if you could handle it."

Darkgaze gasped in mock offense, and then purred. Cliffclan's territory was indeed infamous; it's name wasn't an exaggeration. "That's probably true. Caveclan, then. Should we try tomorrow?"

"First thing in the morning," Astertail agreed. "We'll meet at the Palegrounds."

"Sounds good." They touched noses and drew away. Darkgaze hesitated. "Astertail.. If they say no.."

"We'll take our chances outside the Clans," Astertail said immediately. Then she stopped. Her head lowered. "Unless.. After that.. You want to give up?"

Darkgaze thought about life in Brushclan, alone. Dodging Shrewpelt for the rest of her life, wondering if today was the day he'd finally be angry enough to tell the whole Clan what she'd done. "No. Never," Darkgaze mewed, fierce. "If it comes to it, I'd rather brave the Outlands together than be in Brushclan without you."

Astertail gazed at her with wide blue eyes, and in them Darkgaze could see her own feelings reflected back. Darkgaze held the scent of heather in her mind as long as she could as she walked back to the Brushclan camp, assured in the knowledge that one way or another, after tomorrow she and Astertail would never be apart again.

Darkgaze slipped back out of camp before anyone else had awoken. She'd barely slept, and she felt it. A wave of excitement kept her on her paws, though it was a close thing, especially at first. She felt better when she met Astertail at the Palegrounds.

"The patrols haven't started yet, I don't think," Astertail mewed. "If we go slowly enough we should meet one only a little ways in."

Caveclan territory was easily accessed from the Palegrounds. They had to cross the White River only once, an easy enough task considering it was frog-river, and the level of the water was low. The creatures that gave the level of the river its name scattered from their pawsteps and then they were across and officially into Caveclan territory.

Just past the river they stopped. There was the problem of not knowing where, exactly, the cave system that made up the Caveclan camp was, and they really didn't want to meet a patrol too deep inside and offend the Clan they'd be at the mercy of.

They didn't have to wait too long before a patrol found them. There were four of them, two brown tabbies, a ginger tabby, and a black cat. "What is this?" the cat leading the patrol mewed, suspicion glinting in his eyes. The two cats with him had their hackles raised. "What are you going in our territory?"

Darkgaze and Astertail tried to make themselves as nonthreatening as possible. "We'd like to speak to Batstar, please," Darkgaze mewed.

The patrol crept closer, careful not to let their guard down. "What is this?" the ginger tabby mewed, sniffing deliberately. "A Brushclan cat and a Shaleclan cat, together?"

"We'd really like to talk to Batstar," Astertail said, stepping back from the inquistive Caveclan molly. "We haven't hunted, and we can't do much harm. There's only two of us." The last cat didn't seem to believe that very much; she glanced around as if expecting Shaleclan and Brushclan cats to swarm out of hiding.

"Aren't Shaleclan and Brushclan having.. Issues between themselves lately?" one of the brown tabbies muttered to the other.

The black cat, the leader, shrugged. "Batstar'll want to know why they're here anyway. Come on, all of you," he said briskly. The three other cats on the patrol crowded around Darkgaze and Astertail, flanking them for the trip to the Caveclan camp.

For most of the trip, Caveclan territory seemed mostly similar to Brushclan's, though there was less plant life. It was only when they reached a cliff did things change. The cliff itself wasn't very tall, but what mattered was around it. Rock had obviously sloughed off it long ago, creating a pile of rubble that had a very obvious opening in it. When the patrol approached, a sentry positioned outside and on top of the cave opening disappeared into it.

Darkgaze felt her fur crawl. She'd known Caveclan lived in a cave, but seeing the entrance that disappeared into a dark and shadowy tunnel was a lot different than simply knowing a concept.

None of the four cats escorting them seemed put off or ill at ease seeing the tunnel. In fact, their pace increased slightly as they grew close. Darkgaze and Astertail resisted minutely at the tunnel, and then, resigned, entered.

It was dim inside, and it only got dimmer further down. The air was cool and damp, and rocks that tapered to points dotted the roof of the cave. As they listened, they could hear the soft patter of paws, and the occasional drip as a drop of water fell to the ground.

Whispering started. They could hear more pawsteps, not their own, as they walked further down the tunnel. The walkway seemed to suddenly open up into a large chamber. Cats stood around the area, surrounding a pool of water dotted with rocks like stepping stones. Behind the Caveclan cats were more openings to more tunnels. As Darkgaze watched, more cats emerged from the tunnels. One of them stepped forward, and through the dim light Darkgaze recognized Mousepelt, the Caveclan deputy.

"Ravenheart?" he mewed. His tone was bewildered and suspicious. "What is this?"

"Intruders we found by the River," Ravenheart explained. "They say they want to see Batstar."

Mousepelt tilted his head. "Batstar has already been fetched," he explained. "Toadfur went to get him when she saw you approaching." And indeed, the dark, hulking shape of the Caveclan leader was emerging from a tunnel, followed closely by the gray form of who Darkgaze assumed was Toadfur.

"What's going on?" Batstar wondered. His tone was deep and slow. He stepped up to where Ravenheart stood, and tilted his head at Darkgaze and Astertail.

"We, um," Astertail started, "We wanted to speak to you about something. In private, if we could, Batstar." She pressed briefly against Darkgaze, and the gray cat could feel her nervousness.

"Is it a matter of grave importance?" Batstar asked, not unkindly.

"To us it is," Darkgaze mewed.

Batstar blinked slowly and seemed to think it over. "I think that whatever it is can be spoken about in front of my Clan," he mewed finally. Darkgaze chanced a look around. From the amount of cats she could see, she suspected that the entirety of the Clan was in the chamber.

She almost cowed beneath the stares of so many cats, but Astertail pressed against her side kept her steady. When the Shaleclan cat spoke again, her voice was steady. "Batstar, Caveclan, we've come here to ask to join your Clan." There was an immediate murmur from the cats around them. Darkgaze could hear curiosity and outright hostility in the sound, though she could pick out nothing in particular.

Batstar silenced them all with a flick of his tail. "Why?" he prompted calmly. His expression gave nothing away.

"We- We're from different Clans," Astertail continued. "I'm Shaleclan. My name is Astertail," she added, as if an afterthought. "Darkgaze, the cat beside me, is Brushclan. We're mates." There was another outbreak of noise, louder this time. More of the sound was hostile than before. "We know it's against the code," Astertail mewed immediately, raising her voice to be heard over the buzz. The sound stopped, and she was able to talk in a softer voice. "We know. That's why we've come to you. We can't do this any longer, being traitors to everything we believe in. But we can't be apart either."

Darkgaze spoke up now, her voice more tremulous than Astertail's. "The thought hurts," she confessed. "It hurt being apart in our day to day lives, and to never see each other again.." She shook herself. This wasn't the time to lament. "We're Clan cats," she started again. "We want to be loyal. To a Clan, and to each other. It's a compromise. We both leave our Clans. We change our loyalties to.. to Caveclan."

"Both of us give something up," Astertail put in. "Both of us gain."

"And why did you choose Caveclan?" Batstar mewed.

The question startled them, and it took a moment to gather their thoughts. "I don't know if I could navigate Cliffclan's territory," Darkgaze said finally.

To her surprise, Batstar looked amused. "As good an answer as any." His head dipped to them.

"We know what we've done is wrong. But we want to make it right. We're trying to make it right," Astertail mewed after a moment's pause. "We don't expect to be welcomed with open paws. We know we'll have to earn our stay, to work to become Caveclan." She glanced at Darkgaze. "That's.. that's all, I think. Thank you for hearing us out."

Batstar considered them for a moment. The tension in the cave heightened. "Cactusleaf," the Caveclan leader called. "What has Starclan said to you?"

A bright orange cat stepped out of the throng. Darkgaze had seen her before, sitting with Sootfeather and Redpaw during Gatherings. She spoke, "I've heard nothing in particular." Darkgaze felt her stomach fall. She pressed her cheek against Astertail's. But the medicine cat continued, "However, that means little. Starclan wants us to make our own decision over this. They will not lead us." She dipped her head at no one in particular and sat down.

"Well then," Batstar mewed. "In that case, we'll decide. All of us, the ones who would be clanmates to these two." Chatter immediately broke out. Batstar flicked his ear. "They will tell us what they think, one at a time." The Caveclan cats fell silent again. Batstar crossed to a ledge of rock at the side of the chamber. "Here, if you can," he mewed, and sat down.

A tan, obviously pregnant queen was the first to scale the ledge. When she spoke, her mew was cold, but not overly so. "You disgraced Starclan for pursuing your relationship in the first place. You broke the warrior code each time you visited each other, knowingly and willfully. However.." and here her expression softened, "You are obviously trying to fix your mistakes and make sure they never happen again." Darkgaze felt her stare bore into her a moment more, and then the tan queen slid off the ledge. Another cat took her place.

"Your loyalties will be even more divided now!" the new tom snarled. His pelt blended in with the cave wall. "What of your families?" he demanded. "The friends you left behind? Do you think you could face them in battle and fight them off, knowing them as you do?" He spat once and leapt down without bothering to use the smaller ledges that lead to the larger one.

Astertail and Darkgaze flinched, but said nothing in their own defense. Another stepped forward to say something, and then another, and so on, until half the Clan had voiced their opinions. Some were damning, others more lenient, but then the testimonies began to blur together, until Darkgaze couldn't tell whether the majority of the Clan was for or against them.

There was a momentary pause when it became clear that no one else wished to speak. Batstar climbed up on the ledge. He looked comfortable there. Darkgaze suddenly realized that it was where the leader of Caveclan usually addressed their warriors. "I have one final question for you," Batstar said. "If we say no, what will you do?"

"Leave," Darkgaze and Astertail said together with only a moment's pause. Astertail took over. "We are Clan cats, through and through. Being warriors is what we were born to do. But we can't be without each other. If you say no, we'll take our chances in the Outlands."

"Forever?" Batstar questioned. When they nodded, he tilted his head. "Alright." He glanced at his warriors. "Everyone who is for these two joining Caveclan, stand near me. All who are against, take the other side."

Paws began to shuffle, and slowly one cat after another took their places, peeling off from each other to make their decisions. Darkgaze's heart began to pound. She could feel Astertail's speeding up as well from where their bodies touched. Batstar's side was larger, though only marginally so.

"The Clan has decided," Batstar mewed, projecting his voice. "Darkgaze and Astertail are Caveclan warriors." The warriors congregated around him buzzed with small murmured congratulations. The other side stayed silent.

"Thank you," the stunned Darkgaze mewed. Beside her, Astertail nodded.

"I suppose you have to go break the news to your Clans," Batstar mewed, voice gentle. The two new Caveclan cats nodded nervously. "You have until sundown," he continued. "May Starclan bring you safe back."

Darkgaze sent up a silent prayer of her own just before one of the cats on Batstar's side stepped forward. "I'll take you to the border," she offered, glancing at Batstar, who nodded.

Astertail and Darkgaze followed her out of the cave, back the way they'd come to get in. "My name is Dawnflower," she mewed, once in the open air. "It's good to meet you both." The two cats returned the sentiment.

"Here's this path," Dawnflower mewed. "It'll lead you back to the camp. When you get back, I'll show you around the camp. Don't worry. It's easy to pick up." She stopped at the White River and watched them go.

Back in the Palegrounds, Darkgaze and Astertail exchanged a look and took a deep breath together. "I'll meet you back here," Astertail promised. "Good luck."

"Same to you," Darkgaze returned. Together, they stepped back onto the territories they were born in, for the very last time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow I managed to post chapter 6 twice! I really don't know how that happened, but it's fixed now. Thank you to Willkitsune for telling me about that.

Darkgaze expected some resistance when she walked back into camp, though she didn’t know why. Someone to ask where she’d been, at the very least. But no one did. No one even seemed to notice she’d been gone most of the morning.

She made sure to take a good, last look at the Brushclan camp. It already felt surreal, the wide, bright open space compared to the close darkness of Caveclan’s tunnels. She looked up at the cliff backing the camp, the top of which was the plateau known as Starclan’s Eye.

She wondered why her heart hurt only the tiniest bit.

Acornfoot emerged out of the warrior’s den just as Darkgaze’s line of sight crossed it. She spotted her daughter and moved across the camp. “There you are!” she mewed. “I was wondering.”

“Hello,” Darkgaze mewed. Her voice was weak. The mix of heartbreak and sadness lingering in the back of her throat wasn’t surprising. “I wanted to talk to you. Do you know where Hawkstripe is?”

“Dawn patrol, I believe,” Acornfoot said, tilting her head. “Is something the matter, dear?”

“In a sense,” Darkgaze responded. “I’d like to tell you both together.”

“Then why don’t we go wait for him?” Acornfoot suggested. “They’ll pass right by Wellspring Rock on their way back.” She flicked her tail and started towards the camp exit. Darkgaze followed her.

At the destination, where a thin stream of water bubbled out from a small, cracked boulder, Darkgaze could feel her mother looking at her while they waited. Darkgaze offered her nothing, though she felt bad for it.

Anxiety built in her as they waited, and it spiked when Hawkstripe came trotting into view, with his patrol. They kept going, casting curious looks at the two waiting, and Hawkstripe stayed.

“Hey!” he mewed, pleased to see his kin. “What’s up?” He paused, noticing the grim expression on Darkgaze’s face, and the way Acornfoot was peering at her. “Um, somethin’ the matter?”

“In a sense,” Darkgaze repeated. “I need to talk to you two.”

Hawkstripe bent to take a drink from Wellspring Rock. He straightened back up and flicked water off his whiskers. “Alright,” he mewed, wary.

“I’ve been in a relationship with a Shaleclan cat for the past few moons,” Darkgaze admitted. She winced at Acornfoot and Hawkstripe’s gasps of shock. “She and I love each other,” Darkgaze continued, staring at where the water flowed from underground. And then she explained the whole thing, how she and Astertail were joining Caveclan together.

While Acornfoot looked sadly resigned, Hawkstripe reacted more negatively. He begged at first, pleaded with her that there was another way. When she didn’t give way, he switched to anger and offense, and then back again, a whirlwind of emotion she could hardly keep up with.

“Stay,” he demanded. “Please. You’re my sister. I don’t want to lose you. Stay!”

Darkgaze felt herself sink under the weight of his words. “It’s too late. I’m already Caveclan,” she whispered when he’d finally fallen silent.

“How could you do this to us,” Hawkstripe snarled. His fur puffed up and he shook from too many emotions to name.

“I love her,” was the only thing Darkgaze could think of to say.

“But we love you too,” Hawkstripe mewed, and then he buried his face into her neck.

“She will always be your kin, Hawkstripe,” said Acornfoot gently, laying her tail across his flank.

“Think of it this way,” Darkgaze tried, “With me gone, maybe you and Shrewpelt..”

If their mother was surprised at that revelation, she didn’t show it. She only edged closer when Hawkstripe straightened back up. He stared at her, eyes shining with betrayal. “You think that matters?” he hissed, low, and without another word whirled around and leapt away.

Darkgaze stared after him, regretting her choice of words. She and her mother sat, silent, staring after where he’d vanished. “I have to go tell Merlinstar,” she mewed after a moment, words hollow.

Acornfoot murmured, “Let’s go, then.” And Darkgaze, for the very last time, walked with her mother back into the camp.

Merlinstar laid near her den, in a warm patch of sunlight. She looked up as Darkgaze approached and pushed herself to her paws. “There you are, Darkgaze,” she mewed. “We missed you on patrols. Did you go somewhere?”

“I- yes. I need to talk to you, Merlinstar,” Darkgaze mewed. By the puzzled look on her face, Darkgaze could tell Shrewpelt had said nothing to get.

“Yes? What is it?” Merlinstar stretched and yawned. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you, as well. Honestly, I’ve been curious, about what happened between you and Shrewpelt.”

“Merlinstar, please, it’s important,” Darkgaze tried.

“What was the issue?” Merlinstar wondered, oblivious. “Ah, was it about kits? I know he wanted them-”

“Merlinstar!”

Merlinestar just kept going. “Was it that you didn’t? That’s a silly reason, really, I think he would’ve been happy just-”

And here Darkgaze couldn’t deal anymore. “MERLINSTAR!” she cried, old guilt and shame churning in her stomach. Merlinstar twitched an ear, obviously offended. Her jaws clicked shut. “Please, I need to talk to you,” Darkgaze continued. “And _not_ about that.”

“What, then?” Merlinstar spoke, tail flicking.

“I’m leaving Brushclan,” Darkgaze all but whispered.

“I’m sorry?” Merlinstar mewed, shock written all over her face. It seemed to be the only thing she could manage to say.

“I’m leaving Brushclan.” Hurriedly, she explained the basics.

“That’s why you left Shrewpelt,” Merlinstar realized, recovering a little. “Where are you going to go, then?” Immediately after, she added, “Shaleclan,” and when Darkgaze shook her head, she mewed, “Then where?”

“Caveclan,” Darkgaze mewed. “That’s where I was this morning. We went and asked, and they said yes. Please, you have to understand. I love her.”

Merlinstar stood up and paced. “Why can’t she join Brushclan?”

“How can I ask her to leave her family when I keep mine? How could she?”

“You both leave your clans?” Merlinstar mewed, puzzled.

“We both lose something. Both of us. It’s the fairest thing we could come up with.”

“And you both gain, or something like that. I see.” She flicked her tail sharply, obviously irritated. “But what about us, Darkgaze? What about your kin?”

“They know already,” Darkgaze mewed. She felt exhausted. “I love all of you. I do. But I can’t be without Astertail. I love her.”

“I can see I won’t change your mind,” Merlinstar mewed. Her voice was suddenly cool. “Then I suppose we’d better tell everyone the news.” She stalked away to leap up the rock pile that encased the leader’s den. She yowled, loudly, calling for a meeting. In only a few moments the Clan had assembled. Darkgaze stood beneath Merlinstar, her head dipped.

Merlinstar stood straight and proud atop the rocks. “I have an announcement,” she mewed loudly. Her voice betrayed no emotion. Darkgaze was surprised at her control. “Darkgaze has left Brushclan.” She paused to let the murmurs of shock die down, and then continued. “Henceforth she is Caveclan, and should be considered as such. Allow her no special privileges. Treat her as you would any other outsider.” She looked over at where Raincloud and Spottedface were sitting, and beckoned them over with a wave of her tail. “Escort her to the border for me,” she instructed. Ignoring the mutterings of her Clan, Merlinstar descended her perch and vanished into her den. A moment later, Larkwhisker followed her.

As she looked out across the crowd of the cats she had once been apart of, Darkgaze caught a glimpse of Shrewpelt. He stared straight at her, shock written clearly on his face. She wondered what he had expected. Beside him, Hawkstripe sat. She couldn’t see his face, though she tried.

Acornfoot took a moment to give her a last goodbye, pressing her nose to her fur. “He’ll come around,” she whispered, and Darkgaze hoped her mother was right.

Raincloud and Spottedface, obviously confused, flanked her a heartbeat later and escorted her out of the camp.

“The Palegrounds, please,” Darkgaze mewed quietly, and they easily set a course for there. She could tell by the way they kept glancing at her that they were exceedingly curious, but Darkgaze didn’t feel up to relaying the story again.

They arrived before Astertail, but it wasn’t long before she arrived. They purred when they saw each other and touched noses, but the gesture was tinged with sorrow.

“Hold on,” Spottedface mewed, unable to hold back any longer. “What is going on?”

“This is Astertail,” Darkgaze explained. “She’s my mate. She’s why I left Brushclan.”

Spottedface and Raincloud exchanged shocked looks, but didn’t say anything as Darkgaze and Astertail walked across the border and into Caveclan territory together.

“Are you alright?” Darkgaze mewed when they were past the river.

“Fine. It went as well as can be expected.”

“Hawkstripe, he,” Darkgaze started, but found she couldn’t continue. A sudden hot rush of regret staggered her. Astertail, pressed against her side, kept her upright.

“I know,” Astertail whispered. “I know. My father.. He never wants to see me again.” For a moment they took the time to grieve for their losses.

When they’d recovered, they managed an even pace to the path Dawnflower had pointed out for them, and soon the cliff that marked the entrance to Caveclan’s camp came into view.

Toadfur had returned to her sentry post. When she saw them, she waved her tail and leapt back down, waiting for them to get closer before hurrying inside. Darkgaze and Astertail followed her, and Darkgaze wondered to herself if the tunnels would ever feel comforting rather than stifling.

There were still many cats in the antechamber, and they all fell silent as first Toadfur and then the two newcomers appeared. They received nods from some, while others pointedly looked away. Like when they’d voted, the cats seemed clearly divided between those who’d snub them and those who’d welcome them.

Batstar was the first to truly greet them. “Here to stay, then?” he mewed, and when they nodded, he continued, “Good. There are a couple of patrols that need to come back, but after that we can get started.”

Astertail and Darkgaze exchanged a puzzled glance. Start what? they wondered together, but they didn’t wonder very long. The remaining patrols filed into camp not long after. One of the patrols set down the prey they were holding before joining the rest of their clanmates. When everyone was gathered, Batstar took his place on the same ledge from earlier. He beckoned for Darkgaze and Astertail to sit underneath.

When they were, he paused for a moment, casting a sweeping glance over his Clan. "I, Batstar of Caveclan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on these two cats," he mewed, projecting his voice. "They fully acknowledge the mistakes they've made and wish to atone for them. With your help, and the support of their new clanmates, I pray they will succeed." He glanced meaningfully at the cats in the dim chamber. "Astertail, Darkgaze, do you promise to be loyal to the Clan that would accept you? To put your past mistakes aside and embrace the future that Starclan has laid out for you?"

They needed no prompting. "We do," they mewed in unison, their voices strong.

"Then by the powers of Starclan, we welcome you to Caveclan," Batstar mewed, satisfied. Yowls erupted from the crowd behind and around them, calling their names. There were more than they had expected, and the welcome felt like a rush of warmth.

Darkgaze and Astertail exchanged a glance. Whatever the future held, they'd face it, together.


	8. Epilogue

Time has a habit of passing, and in Caveclan that was no exception. The moons that had passed since they had joined their new Clan had been busy. They'd almost felt like apprentices again, learning the tunnel system and the territory.

Darkgaze let her tail fall over Astertail's flank, their bodies pressed close together in the small cavern that made up the warrior's den. Through her sleepy haze, Darkgaze could hear the light snores and breaths of her clanmates. She felt warm and content in the dark den.

Caveclan was lovely, she thought sleepily, even with its differences from Brushclan. In her half-asleep state, memories of the past few moons flashed through her head.

Hawkstripe, repentant, after their first Gathering, begging her forgiveness. The joy and gratitude shining brightly in his eyes when she'd accepted, how she'd told him they'd always be kin, even across borders. How he'd turned to Astertail and told her how good it was to meet her, how he'd never seen Darkgaze happier than when she'd met her. How they'd all parted with new and stronger bonds.

Sootfeather, Brushclan's quiet medicine cat, stopping her at the second Gathering she and Astertail had been to since joining Caveclan. She'd muttered that Starclan was content with their choice, and how she wished them well. How she'd watched them knowingly, though there should have been nothing more to know.

She remembered the first battle against Brushclan she'd been in a Caveclan. She remembered Shrewpelt leaping out of nowhere, claws outstretched and eyes gleaming with hatred, directed not at her, but at Astertail. She remembered watching as he had fought with deadly force, too much for a border skirmish, and how she'd abandoned her own enemy to throw herself at him, screaming murder as she vowed that if he ever set a paw on her mate again, she'd personally send him to his ancestors. She remembered, clearly, the bitter taste of his blood in her mouth as she stood over Astertail, watching Shrewpelt flee far away.

And she remembered, more happily, of how their new Clan slowly warmed to them, the quiet acceptance that grew to familiarity as their scents lost their old affiliations and became Caveclan.

Astertail's paw brushed over Darkgaze's belly in her sleep, reminding her of the life growing there. It wouldn't be too long before she'd have to move to the nursery, but there was still plenty of time until then. More than enough for the excitement to grow, for her to become more certain than ever that, for the first time, she knew she really did want kits.

Darkgaze felt Astertail sigh in her sleep, and, as she too drifted back down, she knew that she wouldn't trade the stars in the sky for anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Whoops. Forgot to upload this for awhile. Also, somehow I added chapter 7 as a draft, rather than publishing it? My bad.
> 
> The sequel to this is entitled Prophet, and while it's completely written, and has been for awhile, I don't know when I'll post it. I think it needs to be severely edited, and because of personal things I don't feel up to doing it alone. If anyone liked Blue and Heather and wants to help, I'd welcome that. But either way, I hope you enjoyed this story- There is more to come in the series, BLC stories in the subset Looking (Too Close; Too Far).


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